'Soul, you pobrecito!'

To witness someone’s anguish, pain and suffering can evoke a strong sense of sadness. It is a vicarious experience. It is sometimes by listening to the words of a song and being empathetic with what that person must have gone through. His or her pains and joys and can lay an impact on one’s heart and soul. It is a realization that one likes to keep at bay for it has a ‘senseless effect’: an effect that is shrouded in meaninglessness, like several other things. Usually one is in a reverie and for some reason; calm in that state, and sometimes in a nightmare; deeply unsettled. This so called state is a refuge from everything that is going around. Yes, maybe, these are means of escapism but the truth of reality is so bitter and so sad that one thinks of ways in which one can numb oneself, throw oneself in a vortex of lies and forget the truths of reality.

I am borrowing these lines from a movie:

“Drinking alters your consciousness and weakens you psychically like it creates cracks and bad stuff creeps in to those cracks and maybe never go away.”  This implies to those who drown themselves in alcohol to run away from life. This is one of the many ways. Some do drugs and each one knows uniquely how to enter in a fugue state. It is bewildering and yet fascinating. This is how mind conjures up images, beliefs and actions.

In the end, I ask myself yet again, what is the real truth?

Experiencing Pragmatic Spirituality

Life and it's strange ways have always intrigued me to an extent of acute bewilderment. In my quest to find answers to questions which have befuddled my being and soul, I came across a unique approach of pragmatic spirituality. This is achieved through a yogic approach of Stress Management and Motivational Counseling at Jaslok Hospital conducted by Dr. Sanjay Divgi. This approach has helped me immensely in self-realisation to understand my unique self and unique reality. It has also benefited me to adjust my unique self with my unique reality and has set me on the path to reach my potential as a human being. To accept and accept happily the person I am and the reality of who I am, has filled me with a sense of calm and serenity through the improvements that I have experienced.

The Contours of Pain

Sometimes there is a deep gash in the body and the resulting pain seems to be numbed by a scream of great hurt inside. Now, where does so much pain come from? It always leaves me in a bind.

Words, actions and observations can leave one standing amidst suffering, agony, grief and sometimes in a state of fugue. To decipher, (why do we have to decipher?) is a conundrum that in the beginning is unsolvable but with the breeze of time, the feeling of this-is-the-best-teacher shrouds us.

To be in state of pain and then making efforts to replace it with other emotions is an ordeal and only those who are in these existential spaces understand the gravity. It could be a pain of helplessness, a pain of wanting, the pain of a widow or the  pain of witnessing pain.

To be grateful for what we have and what we don't, requires a lot of mental tenacity and a strong will to yank one out of that 'state of pain.'

As someone correctly said, "Nothing is permanent."

P.S. Another post filled with incongruous thoughts and another year changes to another random number.

An Apology

As life passes us by, we meet several people and through our experiences with them consisting of interactions and conversations; we do end up hurting some of them in some way or the other. The intent is to never irk anyone, to cause unbearable pain and angst, however, there are manifestations of the mind that convolute our actions, behaviours, attitudes resulting in causing grief, hurt, pain, suffering to people. When we look back and look at those people from their viewpoints, and the clarity in context of how what we might have said, or done, would've affected them, a sordid realisation hits us. One would rather maintain a dignified silence than talk unnecessarily, in an effort to make random chats we never know how the other person is construing words being spewed aridly.
In order to correct this, and everything between that, it's time to make an apology. An apology to all those who have been hurt, affected negatively, faced the heat of an affront, been at the receiving end of a rudeness, meanness. This apology is nothing but an effort and an exercise to make them feel better in whatever manner it works. However, a mere apology may not be able to exonerate us and absolve their pain and sufferings. Yet, an apology goes out in the universe to all those who have reeked in hurt because of an attitudinal aberration, a nasty line, an obnoxious comment, an angry retort. Well, the devil may argue that the damage has been done, because words are irrevocable.

Irrespective, the apology stands it's ground strong, steady and consistent. May the pain be lessened because the carrier had no inkling that it would shatter the peace of the receiver.

" ILLAT, ZILLAT AUR KILLAT"

These three words hold a world of meanings and experiences in them. Let me try and flesh out these expressions.
"ILLAT", an Urdu word, means illness, literally. However, I would like to thrash it out a bit more. A disease that spells death could also translate into a meaning of "ILLAT". There are scores of people with various such death-stricken ailments and when they are battling against their "ILLAT", they are heavily inclined to ask questions which fall into the realm of Spirituality. Some of these questions rattle them so hard that the "ILLAT" takes a backseat and these questions become the real "ILLAT". Confounding as it may sound, the truth in these sentences is soul-tickling. So coming to the issue of what draws a person towards Spirituality, God and such inexplicable phenomenon; is the truth that most suffering people turn towards the heavens to satiate their quest. A quest that is triggered by their ailment. The questions that swarm in their minds are "What have I done to deserve this?" "I led a pious, clean, healthy life, yet, the orchestrator, has given me this disease that cripples me for life and moreover cripples life."  "Do I deserve this wrath of Nature?". One is susceptible to blame anything that one doesn't understand or has been unable to understand for his/her state of being. "Is it fair?."

"ZILLAT": utmost humiliation. This could be related to "ILLAT", in context of sufferings that are caused because of the "ILLAT" and in some cases none at all. Pain/angst/insults/offenses  directed at a human being which cause him or her to seek an intervention from forces which are beyond understanding. The humiliations sometimes stem from inflicting pain on one self arising from extreme forces of guilt and self pity. These guilts and reams of self pity that one thrashes oneself  with, are beyond  the realm of humiliations caused by others. In the end when one is pushed against the wall, the wall of inexplicable pain and agony mixed with guilt and tears of suffering, questions rise up like tumultuous waves in a turbulent sea. The sea reflects the conscience which has never been so enraged and so stirred ever. Questions again which are similar to the questions of "ILLAT" are reinforced because of "ZILLAT". As bewildering and convoluted as it may sound those who bear these revelations every waking moment seem to differ. This entire traversing of thoughts makes them seek God or any semblance of such a creation that satiates their insatiable appetite of understanding life and beyond.

"KILLAT" lack of resources. Despite the will, the spirit, the sheer, brutal insensitive tormenting fact that one does not have the means to help those who are afflicted and sometimes oneself leads them towards self deprecation and the brevity of their lives corrodes their souls coupled with "ZILLAT"; "KILLAT" is nothing but a conduit to self destruction. A destruction that one blames on destiny; on fate and on not being able to do enough to fight a battle already lost in the mind.

These thoughts are extremely erratic, yet somehow, in their randomness there is a pattern; a theory that brings me closer towards a semblance of understanding of the inexplicable nature of  God or any other sobriquet, that one has given to Life; or known or understood.

Brain-less endeavor!

I am confounded again. Sometimes I wonder, doesn’t the brain get tired, trying to astonish me with revelations and understandings. The kid on the street doesn’t have the time to think and pontificate like my brain does. His brain just chugs along smoothly, without any stumbling thinking chunks. This again brings the question to my mind,

‘Do those who are comfortable and have enough to satiate their beings have the luxury to go on these intellectual spiritual expeditions?’.

It is so childlike, the kid’s antics in the rains, isn’t he a kid, so why will it not be childlike; because this kid on the street lost his innocence, his sensitivity, his plain curiosity and his spirit to battle life with a child’s determination; yet he has zero regrets, on the contrary, he wants to collect his bearings and leave Bombay, a city that he holds responsible for his state, not realizing that it could be anyway. Though, after his anger has boiled down, he says, “Shaher ki koi galti nahin, na zindagi ki hai, bas galti hai”

His sentence lingers in my over active brain trying to assimilate the sub-texts.

God, quit this brain-less endeavor!

Spiritual Quest?

Why are we here? What is our purpose? Our meaning to exist, is there any?

And more such questions rankle my being. Answers are elusive. Days are running by. Nights are endless. Time is short. What will be, will be? How?

Grab each moment and shake it up and what does one get after the shaking. More questions. Answers will come when the time is right. What is the right time?

Accept life as is. Adapt to nature, to people, cultures; no one will adapt to you.

Get your strength from acceptance and just writing it down it doesn't make it easy one bit.

Keep chugging along the path. Rehearsing and traversing the long and winding lane, where mystery of life keeps unfolding but one has to burn and burn till the end hits you.